If you’re like me, you might be doing this right now. You’re lighting a dozen expensive candles. You’re surrounding yourself with enough crystals to power a small village. Hell, you’re even wondering if that old “For Dummies” book series has an offering for positive energy. You’re sitting there thinking: Why the fuck does everything still feel so incredibly heavy?
If you have taken notice that your internal radar has repositioned from “generally optimistic” to “persistently irritated” around midlife, you are absolutely not alone. It is not a personal failure, and you haven’t suddenly lost your mind. There is a valid, albeit frustrating reason your energy feels about as light and clear as a backed-up sewer right now. Trust me, I am living it right alongside you, and so are countless other women I talk to who are trapped in this exact same fucking boat.
Why It Sucks So Damn Bad
The sudden downward spiral into negative energy during perimenopause goes far beyond just “having a bad day.” It is a perfect storm of biological changes, life circumstances, and seasonal shifts colliding all at once.
- Increased Brain Fog and Mood Crashes: When estrogen begins to fluctuate wildly, it feels like someone went into your brain and randomly selected wires to disconnect. One minute you’re fine, and the next you have no patience and want to scream because someone breathed too loudly. You’re even starting to get sick of yourself from the mood swings, the nagging feeling of always being pissed off, and its possible effects on others around you.
- Extra Craziness Thanks to Your Cycle: Just when you think you’ve figured out your baseline mood, your period throws a most chaotic and unwelcomed curveball. The random timing, heavier flows, the same soul-crushing cramps you had as a teenager, or skipped months make the hormonal roller coaster feel exponentially more intense and draining.
- The Loop of Exhaustion: Maintaining a positive, vibrant outlook is largely impossible when you are frequently tossing and turning, waking up three times a night drenched in sweat. Chronic sleep deprivation does significant damage to your emotional resilience. We are all just running on pure survival adrenaline.
- The Crushing Invisible Load: Midlife is often the absolute peak of every single one of life’s demands. We are managing careers and households. Many of us are navigating changing relationships, raising teenagers, or taking care of aging parents. When our internal capacity to deal with stress diminishes while our actual life stress increases, negativity seems to become the default defense mechanism.
The Extra Weight We Carry
On top of the hormonal baseline, life doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Sometimes the heavy energy is triggered by the calendar itself, making an already tough transition feel extra daunting.
- The Seasonal Shift: Right now, as we hit the end of September, that familiar seasonal depression (SAD) starts to rear its ugly head. Or, if you’re someone who suffers from Reverse SAD in the summer (this is me), the oppressive heat and constant brightness have you entering the new season with your nervous system already completely fried.
- The Loss That Changes Everything: As we age, we also stack up a lot of history, and certain milestones carry devastating emotional anchors. I recently hit the brutal six-month anniversary of losing my soul dog, and honestly? His death completely ruined my life. Every single month removed from him guts me like a fucking fish. He died on my day off, so now, every single day off just fundamentally sucks because the silence where he used to be is deafening. Nothing has seemed to go right since he left. When that level of deep, permanent grief experienced by the loss of someone or something meaningful to you layers right on top of perimenopause fatigue, it feels like you’re trying to wade through concrete.
How I Try to Hold On to the Good Parts
I am not a licensed medical professional in any capacity, and I am definitely not here to give you medical advice. But I am a woman in the trenches, and these are the little moves I’ve been making to cling to my sanity and protect what little peace I have left for as long as possible:
1. Ruthlessly Editing the Priorities List
Take a look at your daily to-do list. Separate what actually must happen from the things you do simply because you feel obligated to please others. If a commitment, or activity, or even a person is presenting as nothing more than an energy vampire without giving anything back, it belongs on the “miss me with that shit” list. Protect your peace like it is a finite resource—because right now, it is.
2. Physically Shifting Stagnant Energy
When I’m hit with a dark, heavy wave of energy, sitting completely still just allows it fester. I don’t force myself into intense workouts (which would be glaringly apparent if I used real-life images of myself instead of the character I created). Instead, I focus on small, physical releases: stepping outside for a five-minute walk, blasting a favorite song to dance around the kitchen, or just doing a few deliberate, deep stretches. I find that moving the body helps to break up the mental loop of frustration.
3. Leaning Heavily Into Sensory Comfort
Our nervous systems are in a highly sensitive and fragile state right now. I’ve learned to lean into small sensory comforts to help soothe it. Light the candles, wrap yourself in the softest blanket you own, put on some noise-canceling headphones, or squeeze those company-branded stress balls your job gives out in lieu of trying to not make you insane. These tiny acts of comfort aren’t just silly self-care clichés; they are immediate, low-effort ways to signal to a stressed-out brain that you are allowed to relax for a moment.
The Horrors Persist, but So Do We
Reclaiming your energy in midlife isn’t about transforming into a perfectly cheerful, toxic-positivity machine because that Stepford Wife aesthetic can fuck all the way off. It is about clearing out some of the unnecessary noise, showing a little kindness to your changing body, honoring your grief, and unapologetically protecting whatever energy you have left.
We are all figuring this out together, one hectic day at a time.
How are you holding onto your good energy lately? What tricks, seasonal comforts, or boundaries have helped you get through the midlife slump? Let me know your suggestions in the comments below!
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