I wouldn’t exactly call this a new blog post as it is more like the exhausted waving of a big white flag.
It’s been rough over here lately, my pretties. I mean, ROUGH. Stress at work, anxiety at an all-time high, irritability on 100, constant worries over elderly parents and an unwell senior dog, eating like damn raccoon, increased bouts of brain fog and confusion, shit breaking left and right in the house, this fucking mustache is suddenly way out of control, and the physical toll the aforementioned bumps in the road have taken on me… It’s a giant, messy storm cloud over my head that gives me chest pains and bubble guts and it simply refuses to dissipate.
The cherry on top: having to admit to defeat, that it’s just all too much to handle at once. It’s one of my least favorite things to do, but as I age, I’m becoming big on accountability and I believe it takes a real grown-up to admit when they’re cooked. Incidentally, writing 18 drafts of a would-be blog post only to have to delete them over and over due to not being able to figure out what the fuck is going on with the random glitches in the formatting was the actual final (albeit small) straw.
Sure, the blog itself probably reads like I’m David Banner, ready to Hulk out at every little first-world inconvenience, so I can see how it would be easy to assume that hanging it up in any given situation would be second nature to a broad like me. And for a long time, it was.
Then, way late in the game (a few months after turning 40), something changed in me. I wasn’t letting anything beat me. I changed careers, chopped off my hair, rehabbed after a minor stroke, and in the midst of this midlife crisis starter pack, I found a new grit and determination unlike anything I’d experienced in my adult life.
But right now? That sunny outlook version of me can straight up eat a dick. In the last few years I have proven to myself with a great deal of pride that I CAN do hard things. In this moment though, I don’t want to. For now, the only goal in mind: I just want to survive, though I am barely hanging on by a thread.
That being said, something’s gotta give, and unfortunately for all two of my readers and random handful of followers across Instagram, TikTok, and Pinterest, it’s gonna have to be this blog. I need to rebuild in many areas of my life, and I don’t think I’ll have any real success in doing that if I handle it the same way I clean my house: half-assing it through a handful of tasks in every room and never really accomplishing much of anything. Allowing myself to be pulled in too many different directions is probably how I landed myself in a seat on the Hot Mess Expresss anyway.
So, I’m off to put out a few fires. One at a time. I look forward to my eventual rise from the ashes so I can return to my regularly scheduled raging with you.
XO,
Penny 💗
P.S. If you sometimes feel like this, or you’re currently in the middle of your own personal shit storm, or if you even feel yourself starting to head in this direction, I see you. I believe in you, and I’m rooting for you in your battle against all things that suck. Talk to someone, find a new hobby, make a long overdue change. Whatever you do, don’t give up. You deserve a chance to reset, and when your sparkle comes back, I hope it shines brighter than ever.
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